WOOT IT’S BACON
Beards aren’t for amateurs. Klingon gangsta starfleet amish insectoids, maybe.
“First: Any ladysoftness I sink my codpiece into that makes a “disappointed queeb sound” when I withdraw from it will not, under any circumstances, be sunk in to again. The ladies of the board may consider this a high-quality dating tip: disappointed queeb sounds are a deal-breaker.”
It's not?
Get bearded. You know, for warmth.
Hydro-fracking. Available at a drilling company near you.